THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There are leaves in my underwear?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
