I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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