I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
