you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize