I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
