last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
