I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he thought i was a dude.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
