I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
