How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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