how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
