I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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