Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
