Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
