tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it because I queefed?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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