Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize