i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
