i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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