I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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