Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
