ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
