Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
