he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i dont even know how to be here
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
