You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Randomize
