We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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