Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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