Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
