morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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