Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
