Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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