my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
