Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
