i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
