After last night, I could never be a politician.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
