Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
