Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
