im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will be naked everywhere
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
