I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
