i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize