Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
