I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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