So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was born a porn star she said
tell your sister to shave her snatch
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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