Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
