his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
