I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
