I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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