So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
