After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
