new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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