I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
