Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
