Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
