im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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