fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
