Banned from zoo.
Again?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
