call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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