I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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