What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize