I hate your face
I'm really into asian looking animals
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
