Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize