I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
