I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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