I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
