We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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