just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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