dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
