do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
