haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
organizing the empties. That sober.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize