If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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