The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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