Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
