i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to make out with him forever
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
