Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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