God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
