Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
