boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
