if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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