my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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