I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
