surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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