Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
