if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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