We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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